9 Ways Permissive Parents Hurt Children

9 Ways Permissive Parents Hurt Children

OK, I admit that it may be an exaggeration to say that if you are a permissive parent you are hurting your children, but there are problems associated with being the parent who doesn’t discipline and doesn’t set limits or consequences. Following are 9 problem areas that can crop up when “Permissive Parents” don’t set limits. See if you can identify your parenting style with any of them. 1. Permissive parents let the children dictate the rules. Seriously, the child does not need to see the R-rated movie when they’re only 14; or they don’t need to stay up late on a school night; or they don’t need a curfew later than is age appropriate. These can be harmful to a child who needs help with setting limits. 2. Permissive parents feel the rights of children trump the rights of adults. You’ve seen me blog on this. These are the kids whose parents let them run all around in the nice restaurant because they haven’t been taught good behavior. This, in my opinion, is where the parents (not the children) need a consequence. Can we send our dinner tab to their table since their rowdy children disrupted our dinner out? 3. Permissive parents are overprotective. If mom and dad overprotect their child from the inevitable life lessons that sadness and disappointment bring, then a child begins to fear failure. They might avoid taking risks because they don’t believe they can emotionally handle a possible poor outcome. 4. Permissive parents don’t encourage self-denial. I equate self-denial to self-discipline. Think of how a lack of self-discipline can set a child up for failure. This becomes more evident as children get older with more responsibilities. They need to be able to tell themselves…No, I can’t afford that new car, or cell phone, or

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Identify And Manage A Passive Aggressive Personality

If you ever find yourself on the receiving end of a passive aggressive attack, it may leave you scratching your head wondering if the attack was intentional, or a reasonable mistake. Maybe they just haven’t gotten around to responding to your email? Or they forgot? Or their comment to you wasn’t meant to be cutting and critical, it was just a poor choice of words where you misperceived what they said. What one sign will point you to the fact that you are dealing with a passive aggressive person? They repeat this type of behavior. We all step in do-do on occasion. We have all been known to say dumb-shit stuff we regret later. But, the passive aggressive isn’t making mindless mistakes; their actions are calculated and intentional. The hallmark of a passive aggressive attack is that it is intentionally indirect and intentionally covertly delivered. It is the cowardly, lily-livered and chicken-hearted way of addressing an issue. This is the attack that sneaks up on you from behind. Yes, it can be shrouded in fancy words or slight-of-hand actions, but it will still hit you hard like a gut punch. But here’s where it gets tricky, because the mask of passive aggressive has many shapes and colors. Get ready for this parade of go-to-favorites most commonly used by this personality type: Procrastination Forgetfulness Indirect criticism Outright sabotage Silent treatment Intentional obstruction and inefficiency Stubbornness Neglect Victimhood Argumentative General negativity Have you heard enough? Or do you want a scholarly opinion? Author Dr. Sam Vaknin writes that “passive-aggressiveness has a lot in common with pathological narcissism: the destructive envy, the recurrent attempts to buttress grandiose fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience, the lack of impulse control, the deficient ability to empathize, and the sense of entitlement, often incommensurate with its real-life achievements.”

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9 Dangerous Clues That Your Boyfriend’s Female Friend Is MORE Than “JUST A FRIEND”

Even if your boyfriend has reassured you over and over again that his female friend is “just a friend”, there may be clues that their relationship skirts the danger zone of becoming something more. 1. He talks glowingly about her When he talks about her, you see his eyes glaze over with the look that you thought was reserved just for you. It’s the look your man gave you when you first met and fell in love. If you see that starry look in his eyes when he talks about her, danger may be lurking. 2. He runs to her with his problems You’re his girlfriend, and you expect to be his number one support person, yet, you find him calling her when issues arise. If he turns to her for emotional support, when he should be leaning on you, continue to watch for other disturbing clues. 3. He looks for opportunities to hang out with her…alone…without you If there’s always something that the two of them have to do together, alone, keep a watchful eye on their behavior. The reasons they may give you for their alone time could be to say that this is their friend thing, or that they’ve always done this together, and you can join them next time. There may be a next time, or there may not, but don’t be blindsided by a dramatic turn in your relationship where you find yourself alone…again and again. 4. You find her stuff in his apartment This is where your boyfriend tells you that he’s storing her things at his place because she ran out of storage space at her apartment. He may be just helping a friend out, but, beware if he’s helping “store” her pink toothbrush in his bathroom! 5. He’s there for her when

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6 Reasons He WON’T Ask You Out On A Second Date

Do you want to secure a second date with that hot guy you’ve been excited to go out with? As taken from a sampling of single men in their 20’s and 30’s, here are 6 things that will land you in the “no-call zone” where you won’t be asked out a second time. 1. If you talk too much, don’t expect that “I’ll call you later” to be more than empty words, flippantly said to get away from you…never to return again. Yes! This was the first answer given by both age groups! So, if you have a naturally bubbly, outgoing personality, make sure you skip the caffeine before your first date. The last thing you want to do is to rev up your motor mouth, and kill the guy with word slaughter! Tone it down. Ask him questions. Let him talk. Keep your mouth shut. Listen. Make your conversation a two-way exchange and you’ll improve your chances for a second rendezvous. 2. Their Internet spying turned up some crazy, scary, dirt on you. If they haven’t Googled you or checked out your Facebook profile before your first date, you can be sure they will before your second. Doing their “research” on you was a hands-down, positively must-do, dating ritual for these men. They want to know all they can about you before they take things further, so expect to by spied on via the Internet. Also, expect that they will ask their friends about you. If they find out you’re a girl with a nasty, “slept with the whole football team” dating history, they will cancel out. That’s not the sort of “team sport” these good-guy-types are interested in. 3. They’re scared away by your troubled family. A first date isn’t the best time to tell them about your

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9 Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

When you’re new to a relationship, the flutter of attraction and romance can disguise the reality of the person you are dating. If you’re not paying attention to these 9 red flags, you could find yourself in a relationship with, not the person of your dreams, but the partner of your nightmares. The first 4 red flags focus on their past, their past, their past. 1. Past history of abuse. 2. Past history of addictions. 3. Past history of cheating. If you find out that your new love interest brought any one of these three things to their past relationships, you don’t have to look further for red flags. What you do have to do is honestly ask yourself if you are willing to be in a relationship where you will be abused, cheated on, or have to deal with their addiction. It’s not a matter of thinking that these things “might” affect you. They “will” affect you. The only hope for these 3 biggest red flags to turn from a big red “STOP!” sign, into a yellow “CAUTION!” sign, is if they readily accept personal responsibility and are actively working a program for change. While abuse, addictions and cheating can weave its way through a relationship in ways that aren’t always an absolute relationship deal breaker, the 4th red flag is undeniably problematic. 4. Past history of criminal activity. If you find out that the person you are dating has a criminal history and spent time in jail, you can assume they were guilty no matter what story they spin. That also holds true for any order of protection for stalking or domestic violence. In these instances, our legal system has done the work for you of determining this person has a serious red flag in their history. 5.

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8 Reasons Good Girls Fall For Bad Boys

Why don’t you leave him? Why do you let him treat you so bad? These are the questions your friends and family may be asking you if you’re in a relationship with a bad boy who mistreats you, cheats on you, or just tears you down. If you yourself have begun to wonder why you stay, look for your answer in these 8 reasons good girls fall for bad boys. 1. They want a project boy Many good women see themselves as “fixers”. They want to fix their bad boy. They believe the “victim stories” these men have told them about why they’re broken, and these good women believe that with enough love and compassion they can help him change. What they don’t realize is that these “victim stories” can be a way for these men to deny responsibility for their bad behavior. 2. The martyr syndrome The women who has given all of herself to helping fix her bad boy, or to surviving his mean, cheating, lying ways, sees herself as helpless or trapped. She gains some psychological reward for being the victim. That, or her religious beliefs, where self-sacrifice is an honorable way to live, keeps her in a relationship that is clearly not good for her. 3. He reminds her of Dear Old Dad If your father was himself a bad boy or was emotionally unavailable, you’re more likely to fall for a bad boy in an attempt to right the wrong that was dealt you with a distant, cold, or mean father. This time around, you’re going to fix things and make your relationship right. 4. They’re ostriches living with their head in the sand Bury your head deep enough, and you can’t see what’s going on around you. These good girls deny just how bad

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The First I Met A Transgender Female

Transgender is in the news with the announcement by Bruce Jenner, our American Olympic hero, that he is transgender and making the transition from male to female. Yet, how many of us have actually had the opportunity to sit down and talk frankly with a transgender person to hear their side of the story? In October 2011 I had that opportunity when I interviewed Stephanie Mott, the Executive Director of the Kansas Statewide Transgender Education Project. It was an eye-opening conversation which prompted me to write this blog differently than my other blogs. I’m going to relay in a brutally honest way the very personal reactions and feelings I had when meeting and interviewing a transgender female, Stephanie Mott. Before you read on, however, I want you to know that Stephanie stands out as one of my most favorite radio talk show guests. Her spirit moved me. It was a privilege to meet her. These are my reactions to my first meeting with a transgender female, Stephanie Mott Of course, the first thing I did when Stephanie walked in the door was size up her outfit, how she looked and what she was wearing. That’s not to say that, being female, I don’t do that with every woman I meet, but this just seemed different. I had a heightened awareness of the fact that in walked a female Stephanie, who had been born a male Stephen. While I consider myself open and accepting of all people, I’m ashamed to say I was momentarily panicked when needing to direct Stephanie to the restroom. Men’s room, or Lady’s room? I’d never been in this situation before and for a moment I didn’t know what to do. Having to make a split second decision, I know I made the right one by directing

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50 Shades Of Grey, Kinky Makes It To The Movies

If you haven’t yet read this steamy, sexy, erotic novel that introduced its readers to the BDSM lifestyle, all I can say is, “What have you been waiting for?” “The movie?” Well, wait no more as 50 Shades of Grey the movie is out this Valentines Day! British author, 48 year old Erika Leonard who writes under the pseudonym E.L. James, has described the “Fifty Shades” trilogy as her “midlife crisis” saying, “All my fantasies in there, and that’s it.” Erika shared her fantasies all right, and took millions of us along for the ride with sales now exceeding 100 million worldwide. In the books, Anastasia Steele, the nerdy and bumbling beautiful young college graduate has a chance meeting with the uber successful, young business prodigy Christian Grey. Grey, with his millions, sensual good looks and mysterious persona to go with it, is every woman’s fantasy. Women can’t keep their eyes off of him, and their lustful thoughts from wanting him, but his detached demeanor has prompted rumors that he is gay. The media has never captured a picture of him on a date. There are no date pictures of Grey, he doesn’t “date”, and he doesn’t “make love”, he just F***s, he F****s hard…and off to the “Red Room of Pain” the novel takes its readers. Before spending intimate, romantic time with Grey; excuse me, in keeping with the novels I mean to say, before spending time F-ing with Grey you will need to sign a NDA, Non-Disclosure Agreement; and, before spending time in the “Red Room of Pain”, you will need to sign a contract spelling out what your “hard” and “soft” limits are. “Hard limits” in BDSM are what you will not participate in within the confines of this form of sexual role-playing. Playing “Hard” is Grey’s preference, but oh,

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Happy New Year To My Talk Radio Show Listeners And Callers!

Dear Listeners and Callers, Recently, one of the callers to my radio show asked me why I became a helping professional? Honestly, I stumbled over the answer. Why? Because the question felt to me like asking an adult when it was that they decided to quit crawling and start walking. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I’ve always felt like a helping professional. It gives me the greatest joy to help others and because of that I feel it is my privilege to connect with my callers on my radio show. I feel honored that they choose to spend a piece of their day with me. No matter where they are at, or where they come from in life, when we connect on a deeper, soul-level, I feel that something bigger than either of us unfolds. In the unfolding, magic happens. Hearts open. I find it very humbling. The creed that I follow with my work is to accept that each of us is on our own, unique journey. It is never my place to judge. Only to accept, support, encourage and empower. If, in the process of Life Coaching for a talk radio show, I can impart some wisdom gleaned from my own training and life experiences, so be it. However, I often come away feeling that I have learned and gained so much more from my callers than they ever could from me. As we head in to this New Year I want to thank my listeners for following my show. I especially want to thank my callers, who have given me so much. Sharing this part of my life with my listeners and callers is a great honor and privilege. Thank you. May the New Year bring you and yours happiness and blessings. ~Joan

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Six Steps for Deciding “When to be Patient” or “When to Take Action”

Patience can work well for you in certain circumstances, yet in others, it can work against you. Follow these six steps for determining when to be patient or when to take action. 1. Identify your impatience Once you identify the times when you feel the most impatient, you can step back and consider whether or not you have control over the situation at hand. If you don’t, such as when stalled in traffic, patience is called for. No amount of road rage, screaming, yelling, and honking your horn will get traffic moving any faster. When you have no control over the situation, practice patience. 2. Monitor your feelings If you are feeling stressed or anxious, in addition to feeling impatient, identify what it is that is stressing you. If being late on a report at work makes you feel impatient and irritable while waiting in line at the grocery store, practice patience at the store, but also vow to resolve any possible issues of procrastination that may feed in to your impatience in other areas of your life. When outside issues are feeding your impatience, take action. 3. Monitor your thoughts Thinking ahead to all the things you need to get done, when your hands are tied and you aren’t able to move forward, only keeps you in a state of worry, frustration and impatience. If you’re waiting for a package to arrive, fretting and worrying over it will only distress you. When worry and frustration take over your thoughts, practice patience. 4. Look in the mirror Take a serious look at how you appear to others when you’re impatient; if they are calm and in control in a situation where you are impatient, look to identify what is triggering you. Showing yourself as testy, irritable, short-tempered and grumpy is

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